scared you’ll end up like your daddy
high strung, from his neck
begging his reflection for more time,
more time
heads up
i write about grief and addiction. sometimes allude to abuse (child, csa, substance, etc) and forms of self harm. please * please * unfollow and/or block if that bothers you. thank you.this account is 18+, please respect that. single timeline / multiverse.not new to fandom or verse. happy to chat. down to write anything; and easygoing on ships with kenny.
9 going on 18, lay it on me
mid-20s, still in south park, working full time as a mechanic and studying part-time (taking online courses at U of denver). ever easygoing, never one to complain, always some raunchy joke at the tip of his tongue, or some odd anecdote no one's ever cared to even wonder about before. if nothing else, he's like a warm rock. strong, solid, unchanging. always around. usually found on the ground. often a smiley face painted on.the mccormicks' reputation preceeds them, always. their financial status, their history of substance abuse, child abuse, arrests. but it's only been passing knowledge. what makes the talk of the town. what other parents whisper to each other, what makes the local news, whatever reaches the kids as fuel to rip on kenny for. he's never talked about what actually went on. he's never talked about what it was actually like. not even while it was happening. especially not while it was happening. growing up, IF ever questioned, he'd just shrug. it is what it is. no big. (nobody's business. what would they have done, anyway? what good would it have done?) (these days, what does it even matter?)kenny's always been content being in the background, anyway. along for the ride with whatever stupid shenanigans his friends got up to, just to spend time with them. (consequences of their actions be damned.) he's still pretty quiet; always was. maybe it was because he spent so long not being listened to, or being talked over, or maybe it was because he only talked when he felt like he had something to say, and that wasn't often. maybe it was because he was halfway between worlds, constantly (figuratively; sometimes literally). halfway in the future, always looking ahead, always trying to plan for the coming night, the next day, week, month. wondering. (what would they eat for dinner, if anything. would it be warm enough to sleep. when was the hydro bill due. would either of his parents be sober. would kevin be. would anyone even be home. how much school could you miss before they caught you for it.) halfway in the present, watching from some out of body place, clinging desperately to what childhood he had; savouring the time he knew would run out faster than even his reflexes could catch.despite all his background noise, kenny always enjoyed hanging out with the guys. his one respite; always the easiest place to be. the easiest people to be around. maybe it was because he never talked about any of it, never let them in like that, that it was easy to let kenny drift out of their circle. a surface friendship, like most broships are when you're kids, and boys.it wasn't a shock to him when the guys started drifting, around high school. (maybe earlier.) the gap of his learning disability (unbeknownst even to him) and the financial burden on his shoulders weighed him down, and slowly kenny found himself left behind. missing classes, missing days, missing plans for work or family; not keeping up, for who knew how long. and one ordinary wednesday afternoon, like waking up from a dream, he looked up, and realized he was alone. (it was one of the worst heartbreaks he'd ever felt.) (he felt nothing about it. said nothing about it. he understood.)bumped down to less academic classes, coupled with shoddy attendance and his habit of attracting trouble meant the school office was a revolving door. it was hard to balance school with working, with side 'jobs', and being the only "sober" (functioning) adult-adjacent (responsible, mature) person in the household. kevin had fucked off before kenny got to high school (kenny never mentioned it). he's worked at the same garage since he was 15, leaving the restaurant he was at since 9ish in favour of a less under the table, higher income for the family (possibly even start saving for karen go to college, despite how unrealistic that felt). for a while he was uncertain if he'd even graduate at all. but took it one day at a time, found peace and comfort in the little things, grounded himself, kept his head down and spirits high. in hope that maybe if he worked hard enough, long enough, he could give them all an easier future.and then stuart passed. in the spring of sophomore year.after that, kenny might as well have disappeared. he dropped out of school to work full-time at the garage, got his GED at 17 (to "get it out of the way"). he focused solely on providing a stable income and looking after the girls. (he'd do anything for them. karen was always his first priority.)nowadays his time is spent in the shop, covered in grease under cars, or home and slouched behind stacks of text. or with carol, who looks worse with each passing week, but no one has the guts to ask if the cancer's come back, if she really is dying this time, and kenny hasn't talked about it.he's built something of a reputation, himself. "he's grown into a fine young man", they say. "what a helpful young man, and so charming. good at what he does, and loves it. he's really made something of himself, that mccormick boy. didn't he have a brother? shame about his father." these days, mostly kenny keeps to himself, outside of being a friendly neighbourhood face, and a helping hand when the community needs one.he's tried to keep in touch with the guys, mostly shooting the occasional text to check in, make sure they're doing alright. once upon a time he might've smothered them with headlock-tight hugs and the weighted blanket of his body draped over leaned on them. and it's not that he's outgrown being affectionate, but that he knows they outgrew him. and that's okay. (he'll always be here. in south park. unchanged rock with a stupid smiley face painted on it, same as always. if ever they need something from him.)
theme and art by me